My posts are turning into blog entries

Today, I realized that I usually write out all my feelings in my posts on the nest, so I have started to apple-c, apple-v them onto here, with a little editing of course.

I have been analyzing so much lately, and I wonder sometimes if I am just trying too hard to understand something that really has less meaning than I am giving it credit for.

I think dh just isn't holding this whole situation as heavily as I am. To him, yes it's sad, but we'll try again and even though the m/c has lengthened the time in which we'll have a baby, we'll get there. For me, its catastrophic(sp?). Even though I wasn't very far along, I physically, emotionally and mentally felt different. It was a dream and happiness I had always wanted, just to be suddenly ripped away. And in its place comes uncertainty, fear and this horrible emptyness. I am missing a person I never met.

I know it will get easier as time goes by, but I think it will be tough until we have a successful pregnancy. I felt this way with boyfriends when I was younger too. I never seemed to move forward until I got a new one, even though I wouldn't forget the memories of the last. Bittersweet, isn't it?

Everyday I focus on a different element of life that has to do with losing this baby, different things bother me at different times. I am trying to find little things that I can accomplish to make life easier, instead of trying to fix everything at once.

Last night I told my mom. I didn't really know how to share it with her and was dreading doing it, but it felt good to not worry about her reaction and feel bad for hiding things anymore.

I think tonight I might call that friend. Then I don't have to keep worrying about it. Hopefully she answers.

One step at a time right?